Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
