ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
