Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
