I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
