isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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