Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
