Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
