your parents love me but you hate me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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