why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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