This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
