Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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