I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
