Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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