There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
