It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
