My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
