R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
