i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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