just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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