The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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