so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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