Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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