if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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