Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
