So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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