Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
