We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
