i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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