the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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