I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
