hotel room ftw
the condom got lost in my hair
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
