I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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