She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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