Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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