hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
