I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
