if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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