dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
