mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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