I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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