well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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