I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
