he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
