i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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