drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
