i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
