You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
