Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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