my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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