I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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