4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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