hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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