Are we in a gay sports bar?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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