I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
