Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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